


I've Never Been So Shocked!

by ottermo



Category: Cabin Pressure, Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016), Humans (TV)
Genre: 3 Fandoms 1 Prompt, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-09-05 03:49:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16803055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ottermo/pseuds/ottermo
Summary: An experiment where I took the same prompt and wrote about it for my 3 major fandoms.Chapter 1 (CP): Herc's first crazy golf finalsChapter 2 (Humans): The newly-conscious synths learn about pranksChapter 3 (DGHDA): Todd's tea-making skills are on the up.





	1. Cabin Pressure

Until now, Herc had only heard about Arthur’s crazy golf prowess in anecdotal form - and perhaps, if he was honest, a tiny part of him thought Carolyn was being a little sarcastic. There weren’t really district championships for crazy golf, were there? And if there were, Arthur wouldn’t really take the competition by storm, would he?

As it turned out, he would. OJS had made it a special outing, since (as Carolyn put it) they’d nothing better to do on an unbooked weekend. Herc was sitting in between Carolyn and Douglas in the “Spectators’ Area”, because that too was apparently a thing, and together they were watching a truly unique sporting event unfold.

“How are you finding it, Herc?” Douglas asked, as Arthur stepped up to the giant skull, in hopes of putting a golf ball in one eye socket and out of the other.

“I feel as though I’ve been enlightened somehow,” Herc said, only half wryly. “I’ve never been so…”

“Shocked? Bewildered?” Douglas suggested.

“Glad to be childless?” chipped in Carolyn.

“No,” said Herc emphatically. “Impressed.”

The ball rolled out of the skull’s eye, and they all paused to cheer. Arthur looked up, hand shielding his eyes from the sun, but managed to locate them and wave madly. At one point he seemed to catch himself in the eye.

“If only he could extrapolate some of that coordination to use in other ways,” Douglas mused, “He’d be unstoppable.”

Arthur moved on to the next obstacle, and Herc decided he’d also rarely been so _proud_.


	2. Humans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this before s3 aired, so that's why Odi is there and Gordon is different! Oh, my inter-season dreams are always so much happier...

It’s not exactly easy to study in a houseful of newly-conscious synths, but Mattie wouldn’t have it any other way. Not even - and this is saying something - since Toby started educating them on the execution of practical jokes.

This morning alone she has tripped over some string across a doorway and tasted a spoonful of salt in her tea instead of sugar. Now, upon trying to enter the kitchen, she comes face-to-face with a giant rubber spider.

She lets out a gasp that is only half sarcastic. “Aaah! That’s _really_ scary, somebody help me.”

The spider is dangled about a bit before a sharp tug on the other end of the string pulls it up and over the door, out of sight.

“Gordon, is that you?” Mattie says, naming her top suspect and Toby’s favourite protegé. “You got me again. I’ve never been so shocked.”

The door swings open to reveal Gordon’s beaming face. “Really? _Never_?”

“Nope, never.”

He steps out of the doorway so she can come in. “Can I make you something?”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you,” Mattie says with a grin. “I think I’m fine. As long as you haven’t swapped any labels around on the containers.”

His green eyes open even wider. “That’s a good idea.”

Mattie groans. “No, forget I said that.” She turns back towards him, suddenly thoughtful. “Hey, Gordon. Do you think you could…try and get Odi interested in some of these pranks? He’s a bit…”

She doesn’t know how that sentence ends - how is Odi, really? Ever since Proliferation, she’s struggled to see signs that he’s glad to be back, even now that he’s not a rare case. They _have_ talked - she’s apologised and he’s told her she doesn’t have to and she’s felt even worse. He hasn’t tried to delete himself again, which is something, but neither has he embraced his second chance at consciousness with open arms.

“I’m sorry, Mattie, I’m afraid I’m unable to anticipate the end of your sentence.”

She chuckles. “Me too. Just try and get him involved, yeah? He needs some friends.”

Gordon seems happy to oblige, and the encounter fades from Mattie’s mind until later that evening, when she discovers that her bedside tub of Vaseline has been topped up with a layer of apricot jam.


	3. DGHDA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first time I tried to write Dirk and Todd, so hooray!

“Wow, Todd, this is - this is actually _good_ tea.”

Todd raised his eyebrows. “Is that surprising?”

“Yes. Actually, beyond that, it’s _shocking_. I’ve never been so shocked.”

“Are you sure about that?” Todd set his own (coffee) mug down on the table next to Dirk. “It feels like shocking things happen to you on a fairly regular basis.”

Dirk considered this, head tilted slightly sideward. “That’s true. I do get shocked a _lot_ , I suppose. Both in a figurative sense and a more literal one. But this!” He tapped the side of the mug with the air of an expert. “This is a very _good_ kind of shock. You don’t normally make tea like this.”

“That’s because normally you’re hovering over my shoulder telling me I’m doing it wrong.”

“No, it’s not that. Something else is different.” Dirk narrowed his eyes, suspicious. “Todd, have you – did you change tea bag brands for me?” He managed to finish the sentence in a wide gape of delight.

Todd scoffed. “What? No. I don’t buy tea regularly enough to have a brand picked out. Why would I buy tea? I never drink it.”

Dirk didn’t flinch. He just waited.

“Fine,” continued Todd, “I may have noticed that you hoard Yorkshire tea like there’s a world shortage - which, by the way, would be your fault because it’s all in your apartment…”

“And you went out of your way to get some for me? _Todd_ , that’s–“

“Hey, slow down. No. I stole a box from your place. Like, weeks ago.”

“Oh, well. That makes more sense.”

“So technically you have yourself to thank.”

Dirk took a long sip of his tea. “Nope,” he said contentedly, “I’m just glad I have a friend so eager to make me feel at home that he’ll resort to actual theft.”

“Does it count as–“

“Actual. Theft.”

“Okay.”

Todd picked up his coffee, and Dirk took the opportunity to clink the two mugs together. “Cheers.”

Todd could only grin and shake his head a little. “Cheers.”


End file.
